Where it all Began
As far back as I can remember I have found myself surrounded with thought traffic, noise from the radio or TV, or even the sounds of that horribly loud school bell-”telling me” when and where to go.
It seems that in today’s society we are inundated with jarring sounds all day long, unless you are deaf of course and then it’s just the thought traffic in your own head that might drive ya crazy at times.
For me, unconsciously I know I was afraid of silence. In the silence was were my brain would go on turbo and seem to have a comment on anything and everything…even though I would get tired with it, the thought of being in silence was still scary to me because I think it was so foreign.
Begin to Get Quiet
It wasn’t until November almost 3 years ago that I approached this subject of being quiet, and I mean REALLY quiet. I stepped into a Journey to Wholeness Retreat with Jana Fleming and didn’t have a clue what we would be doing, EXCEPT I knew and was overwhelmingly apprehensive about being in silence for 90% of the weekend.
I wasn’t able to fight the notion of talking, I talked off and on for the first day when I could…however, it wasn’t until my friend Kim and I were partaking in our second glass of wine (which was suggested we also not consume alcohol-we see how that went), that almost the exact same time both Kim and I said we really didn’t feel right talking or drinking the wine so we zipped out lips and got rid of the wine for the rest of the weekend.
For the first time in pretty much my entire life I was silent for near 48 hours, unless we were in the workshop and asked to participate. It was a life changing weekend of silence for me that I will always remember…
The silence that we consider to be so “deadly” isn’t at all; in fact in my opinion, it’s “deadlier” if we aren’t silent once in a while to really examine our life, examine our thoughts, examine nature in all it’s beauty. To shut down the tv, radio, turn off the phone, step away from the every so noisy social networks that clutter up our every day life most of the time.
So What’s the Big Deal with Being Silent
I think being in silence will mean different things for different people…but for me, SILENCE IS BLISSSSSSSSSSS!
Silence has been something that I have to mentally focus on because the world around me is so loud most of the time…no matter if we are talking about work, family, kids, friends, etc-NOISE, NOISE, NOISE is the norm.
My meditation practice every day allows me to get quiet for 30 minutes to an hour each day…I find this practice alone has brought more peace into my life not to mention the other pages of things I could write about here but we will leave that for another post.
Silence is having the mind power to turn off the radio when I’m driving and remove all the cd’s that I have so I have no temptation of putting them in the player. Drive time I have come to love as my sanctuary time, where I roll down the windows, let the wind blow through my hair and mess it up, feel the strength of the wind on my fingers as I cup the wind or let it fly past. Silence in the car helps me connect with the world around me as I drive by so many different people that breathe the same air as me, it helps me to appreciate the similarities of people while also appreciating the differences that exist. Then there’s the ever so beautiful nature that I tend to focus on that seems at times to whisk me away to another far off place (which might be dangerous when driving but…). Never the less, the silence in my car has been a wonderful change in my past noisy life.
I also find little pockets of my day when I just turn off everything and “go within”…where I just give myself a mental hug and send love to myself. If even for a minute or two, I find this “silent” moment that I share with myself helps make me feel whole, divine and beautiful.
The Silence I DO Find Deadly
So, I wouldn’t be authentic if I didn’t mention to you where I still have a lot of trouble in being silent…growing up I would, now looking back, consider myself an avid DEBATER. If someone had a comment, opinion, etc that was different than mine I ALWAYS had something to say. The thought that I could just hear something that was incongruent with who or what I stood for was INSANE. And I would say not even talking about debating but just COMMENTING, commenting on anything someone had to say if I had a story or something to add I would (and still do a lot of that to this day).
It’s a work in progress with me in this very moment that I’m writing this actually…It’s hard for me to hold the silent space when it get’s uncomfortable for me but I’m working on it. Just this past weekend at Yoga Teacher Training I found myself wanting to comment on SO MUCH that Trace was teaching us-Like my story would be amazing to share with the other students-that I had something to prove that I knew about the subject she was talking on. This part of me that has to be validated through my words and knowledge of things is insane…because really, it doesn’t matter what other people think of me, it matters what I think of me. No one is going to agree or disagree with me in my thoughts, my life, my opinions, etc 100% so why do I feel it necessary to puke out information when it’s really not necessary or needed in that moment?
I don’t know the total answer to that, it’s something that I’m still working on…but I can tell you I held my comments so much this past weekend and it was “deadly” feeling, I got anxious, I even felt like I was going to puke at one point but just dry heaved…I think it was a little piece of me that was dying inside-without me trying to kill it-the need to be in approval of others, the need to be heard…because I “sucked it up and stayed silent so much” it was a bit more than my body could handel so it physically released to some degree.
Yin & Yang
So I have to say that on the subject of Silence, I do think Silence can be BLISS and for me Silence can still be DEADLY…but MOSTLY it’s Bliss. I feel the healing effects, connectivity, and clarity that being in silence has given me over the past couple of years.
It would like to however, spend an entire day in silence once a month…just still trying to figure out how to accomplish that with a husband and kids who don’t really understand my draw to be in silence that long.
In the recent past I have read several articles in health and wellbeing journals and magazines that feature individuals who spend some time in silence regularly that have been able to live very fruitful, energetic, happy, and peaceful lives…doesn’t that sound wonderful?!?!?!
So what are your feelings on silence? What does silence mean to you? Are you ever in silence? How do you get silence in your life? What do you feel silence brings to you personally….I can’t wait to hear!
